I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
