Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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