Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
