She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
