i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
