omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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