You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
