Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's never too late to be topless.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
