So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
