You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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