dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
