the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
