I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
