in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize