I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
