i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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