Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
