Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
