I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
