I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
