She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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