He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
