So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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