i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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