Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
