Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
