his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
