he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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