last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sorry my hands just texted you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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