Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
