Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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