i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
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