just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
