I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
