i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
