I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
