I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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