I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize