woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
