i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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