If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
