My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
