This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
