In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
