He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
