He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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