she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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