You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
