I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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