Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
