And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
