It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
