Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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