george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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