i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
