I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
