I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
