I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
