so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
