We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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