how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
