good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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