Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
