Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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