I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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