Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
