Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
