good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
