I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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