I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
