I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
