she kept yelling 'call me bella'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you never un-have a 4some
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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