i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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