So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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