I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We smell like vodka and hangover
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