I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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